Hell of a day...and i am through

just when i relaxed after being upset the whole day that i can have at least a day rest this happened.
I woke up early morning with just one thought in mind ...if only i can avoid working saturday and sunday ...o god i don't want to....
after resigning myself to it anyway for client...customer ...whatever satisfaction...
damn it ...its our project says my manager....hey the infrastructure ....should also be in place and.....because of resource crunch ...we have to pull in.....
...hey gimme a break.Once in 6 months you use it sounds good ...once a week is pathetic.

and then the end of the day magically we hear of a maintenance so no work at least on saturday im told.The manager has a long face...as we'r told...the way its delivered is this.....

"I have good news and bad news
Good news is ....how many of u were not willing to come on saturday?
well you may not come.
The bad news is our project..its gonna be affected" all this with a sad morose expression.
...yeah...blah ...blah

why was i sitting like mad at office while i had work ...because they could not get the required s/w resources.So when they beg/borrow it off on weekends i have to work on weekends.

There was other cold war drama too but thats in a different post.

So i came home at least a bit relaxed by 8.30.
had tea and was just resting ...i heard my sister's coming into the gate crying so much that i got dead scared....two guys on scooter had pushed her and pulled her bag
and fled.It had her Nokia a expensive piece she got from her first job savings.This in a town known as pretty safe(its an obscure word i guess in real life).

It was terrible...i was feeling so better after i heard that she was fine whatever's lost.Its hard to describe.Then we got on to the business of consolidating....
called up the bank to disable the atm card....damn these private banks..
...felt disgusted..they charge you so much..automate all stuff and then you have to listen to all stupid music when you are so upset for an hour just to get it disabled.
How cruel it seems.
well not much i realised when i called up Hutch to disable
my connection.It was so horrible....the damn guy is rattling off my dues(the dues are
less than the deposit i have with them)when i tell him i want it disabled immediately

the guy simply insisted it cannot be done till i pay the money...he means this at 9.30 in the night.

Having had experience in this service business well enough i did what i knew was best...disconnected the call
called up again waited till i got a better fella

told him he...first he said it will take a day ..then by night...the finally when you say this connection will never be renewed in such a case ...outgoing will be barred
within 25 mins he says..
all the while they play in the background ...raindrops keep falling....really how cruel and those recorded lines "we welcome your call/thank you for waiting...its sickening the recorded voices.

Its less to do with those executives there... more to do with the falsities propagated in the name of customer satisfaction...by corporations.

We did inform the police as one of our uncles wanted us to...but this is what the SI said to my tearful sister "So what if you are into Software...I am an SI but i keep a cell of 2000 ..why do you need a 14k cell" .Of course my uncle explained they joke like that ...dont take it to heart...but well thats about the whole story.

Its lost ...she's quite sad .... poor thing lost all her friends nos too as she was too lazy to keep em anywhere else and few she had in a tel book that too was in the purse.

It was a bad day in the end...i had my own struggles...lost my lens in the eye(how bad can it get)...i thought i had dropped it...but it was kind of hurting so i doubted...was thinking of getting back home from office at noon...but mom had left and no keys so stayed at office and after splashing water like mad at the eye i found the lens.

It was too eventful in other ways and quite bad --later on that.

But every one has their own way of looking at things.....after being sad for 2 hrs about the cell ...she says...i had my four expensive lipsticks in it(Im not as much into cosmetics and she loves em but the way she said it i was like ahhhhhh).
and i did not know what to say.

im wondering all kind of things about
this job..the money...the personal feeling when such things happen and all kind of whys.......

I myself have still not gotten over losing my cell..the oldest cheap nokia(i lost it when someone happily took it from my purse in a crowded shopping fair) and now this.
Its so easy to steal really...some do it because no work...some because they think who'll work and root causes of this.....Unemployment..population actually..this that....

and we go on living ....kabhi khushi..bahut gham.

the days just go on....

well was feeling queasy so had taken a day off monday and now i know why it was fine
simple....i'll have be working the weekend....got it confirmed today.....thats enough to upset me.
anyway i left an half an hour early .......yet there were long faces esp my manager's.....i'd finished the work dammit....why should i just hang out there..chat on msgr...keep smiling...or listen to music(i'll do it better at home) and suffer them i know not.
anyway i had to pay bills etc did that and to better my mood went to the shopping mall nearby...
.......it was being renovated ...... lot changed since i used to meet up with friends there.....suddenly remembered them all......the place we used to sit around ...they 've stacked up decorative candles now.hmmmm well........
navigated across blogs...some of ppl who commented on mine...from there to their friends blogs and i ended up at the steve jobs speech at stanford site.
liked it quite a lot.....i fwd it just some ppl in office.....just a part of it....and (while i get along with all ---- only two people i like in some specific way though they are not in my team so have to struggle to meet but we chat on the office IM) replied back --- asking why do u not send the full text it was so good. it felt good that u know ur friends ...... and they like what you like.

Upset about a.....

I was really upset early morning.
Really upset ....about what could seem to many a really small thing
after all there are bigger issues this world and what not.
but well i think its the smallest things that get you out of your mind. As goes the quote
It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe.
well coming back why i was upset enough and remember it to write a blog.
Its all because of a Rose.
My lovely peach rose plant .the only one that survived my house move few months ago.(I still cant get over leaving that house where i had grown such a lovely garden to this morose house with hardly any place for them).
oh how i tok care of it ...i remembered to water it at the cost of being late a bit to office in summer. now its blooming and last four times in the fortnight everyday by the time i get back from office its gone and im left frustrated at this theft.
Today it was worse..i woke up walked out .it was oh so perfect ..nice curled up waking to the sun
and i got ready for office , went to look at it while leaving for office and it was gone.
Obviously the work of one of the servant girls in the houses within...
I was seething and fuming and really it upsets me so much......fifth time.....why does the rose have to bloom on monday my thoughts go awry in anger. I missed my one of my flower loving friends(now far in the us) who's one of those few people who'd understand how upsetting it is.
Since my mom knew there was no solution to this as they would not listen she moved the pot to our dark backyard where you can hardly see it unless you go there.
You can buy flowers sure i love them too but nothing like flowers of your garden. I never did like people plucking flowers except may be the fragrant ones lot of southindian women use for braids(I personally like flowers on the plants best or may be in vases inside never in hair but im not against personal choices).
What really gets to me is stealing flowers.
I can't remember now but i think it was Ruskin bond who said
"why do perfectly honest people think its fine to steal flowers and books".
Forget about dishonest ones...... Hmm i have many opinions on it and i'll continue this in my next post coz as of now i will only give lopsided arguments. After all i too don't mind getting a plucking out a few plants(not flowers though) from here and there not from individuals who 'd be upset ,.But then i sure got plants out from parks to my pots and saw them bloom better .
So so so what...... how dare some stupid woman simply dare to pluck n steal my rose everyday to adorn her hair.
I hate it.

Its pouring now.......saawan ko aane do(july 9_2005)

what a day great.... its pouring n pouring from the heavens
and its my day off and
luckily not much work to do on weekends
hurrah.....lovely it is
my sis is simply muttering with envy
as she starts off for office
and i play on music nazron se kehdo.......
no one around ..... but its so nice really
if ever i beleived in enjoying the moment
its now..... i know it wont be much fun
this downpour when i have to trudge along to work on monday
oh the though itself is terrible
but as of now
saawan ko aane do...........

Its raining........


It rained so heavily today in the day
its been sometime i could watch it and enjoy it.
had a team lunch away from office
and the downpour was amazing.
it was a fine sleet of water not huge drops
that lashed across the town and did i love it oh....but then....

rain makes things so special
the chill in the air,
the breeeze with water splashing across you
the sky clear yet broody
the trees swaying in joy.

but if your life's not goin great it hurts all the more
u feel lonely a lil more on a rainy day

it hurts to try to watch the rain
from behind the office blinds
when there's work.

it hurts to watch the rain pass by
when ud like to be cuddled up cozily
and hear the rain splashing the roof and windows.

it hurts to try to save ur dress and carry umbrellas
when best ud like is to get drenched in the lovely spray.

neverthless its exhilarating
Rain not only refreshes the weather
it refreshes the heart and soul esp the first rains of the season.

a poem remembered


it has been a long sad past week its put me in a strange blue mood
all i do i ends up in some mess somehow or the other
and worse of all i could not think straight
some worry kept going through the mind
nothing to pinpoint
probably its all about the chore life has become
i thought about people ,colleagues,friends
there was none i could say was the culprit
all seemed trapped by their own life to trap me .....
i am not really very fatalistic
but there are times wheni feel its hold over my life
and i don't know what to do.
office is a necessary evil to get through life....
family u have no choice...
self u have ,u had but where's the time to be with oneself.
as i walked home all i could remember was lines from a poem from school

I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above;
Those that I fight I do not hate
Those that I guard I do not love;..................
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delightDrove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind....