Time just goes by...

Since the last fortnight i've been trying to write something or
rather do something substantial, i mean read if nothing .

But i did some all old and new but definitely stupid things .
Its like those lines from that poem by Rahat Indori

Mere maji ke zakhm bharne lage hain(The hurts from the past have healed)
Aaj fir koi bhool ki jaaye(lets make a mistake again)

This post is a hotch potch of almost everything in my life.

I need a job change and the market is quite down where i am so i need to brush up my skills
so that i get in somewhere else as just another engineer .
I am for now put off being a manager or anything really. If i did i'd very easily have had been here.
I refused them all and all i think when i think of career is money.

And that is getting scarce outside , unless you have niche skills. I tell myself i will start off that
4Test and Rational etc etc which i am into but have been very rusty.
It doesnt help when the stock market too is down in dumps.

But nothing helps . Since the day i found myself going blank and woke up in ICU
with saline bottles around me i just have found myself more unable
to focus( as it is i lack that) on goals and such.

Work was never so bad ....As they say when troubles come they come from all sides .
I have the slowest system in the company i feel. ...
its like stress testing in QA parlance: low resources how can you perform.
I am told by my lead i have to make a noise about it she has tried on her side....
as if in this cost cutting mode someone cares.

I watched those Test matches and went late to office - not that ever go early.
I don't mind a few words to get an hour or more of sleep or watch Sachin.
I don't know about Sachin Tendulkar but for my life I will regret he was not part of the wiinning team
of Test series in australia and he never had a chance to hit McGrath really really well . It was my dear dear wish apart from the world cup . And like many many i too feel good that we live in the same era as he though unlike those days when i passionately fought any one saying a word against him i just grew up to a wry

"bandar kya jaane adrak ka swaad"(A monkey wont realize what taste ginger has) expression.

And then i come home at 10(before 2008 it was never later than 8:30 if i did not go out for personal work)
take those damned pills which make me drowsy and still instead of sleeping I browse how my stocks are dipping or blogs orfor a few days skimmed through some online M&B which i do rarely.
But honestly they are great tranquilizers for sleep in general(not that need any more than what my doc prescribed)) and you dont need to pay attention in such books.
Everyone knows the story its all wordplay and so i like ones which have a bit of that
not those steamy ones (which are replicas actually not similar )which irritate me .
I just can't read forget technical not even some good books which i do usually.
I plan to start off on a book by Chekov i got from the library. Lets see if i manage.

My sister found her old school friend on orkut happily married with two absolutely sweet kids and
she's gone off to while away time and recall those good old days.
My grandama died and my parents went away for all those formalities.
I have some peace finally to myself this weekend so i managed to write these words.

Even music seems noise at moments.
But then i found a site(damn slow though it is) and watched Casablanca after almost
don't know 6 or 7 years and what a special movie its is.
I know i am partial to romantic comedies or dramas of subtle kind in books and movies.
Last year i guess Jab we Met and Cheeni Kum are the only movies
among what i saw .Rarely do i like much off the other kind but then i watch a few movies .
For example i liked Aamir's Sarfarosh though it hardly was a romantic movie and then there is
"The Bridge Under the River Kwai "- An excellent book of those world war time nothing romantic.

Coming back Casablanca is such a beautiful movie. I guess one should find seperate places to read reviews of that movie
but watching it again made me love it even more. Actually i wanted to see it again after watching the you tube video
of that wonderful song by Bertie Higgins "I fell in love with you watching Casablanca".

Ingrid Bergman is so classically beautiful......reminds me of Madhubala almost and Bogart's acting is awesome.But again its the wordplay in the movie that floors you.
When the prefect of Casablanca says to Rick ...
"I suspect underneath that cynical exterior of yours you are a rank sentimentalist"...
I actually thought of myself.
I try not to be sentimental......i have such a cynical view of the world in general but some are wired that way.

Some review said it became a classic due to the chemistry of the lead pair.
Well I guess quite some movies are wonderful due to just that .Jab We Met really has nothing new or speacial and
i hardly like Kareena of Shahid much but i love that movie as a whole really.
But i guess i liked almost every one in casablanca may be because i like things understated though definitely stated. i.e

(I dislike people not stating thing s to me :))

So yeah Chemistry plays its part but still casablanca has a special feel to it and then
black and white movies and pictures themselves feel so classy.
I dislike colorised versions. Only Mughal - e - azam was a bit fine.
But therein characters overpower everything else i beleive.
Ah the fights between Dilip Kumar and Prithvitraj Kapoor - I mean you just can't take sides .
Both seem right in their own context (Dilip Kumar's rebellious words were based more on Individuality rather than romance for me
and Prithviraj's words were all about the larger picture in the context of the world) and i really love that movie.

Talking of chemistry the other thing i accidentally ended doing one night was browsing the you tube for the whole Kashish Sujal videos from "kahin to Hoga" serial and there are lots of them . I mean whatever trash ekta kapoor dishes out when she wants she can make really charming love stories and the best part i like is the way she uses music i.e hindi songs with them.

So many of them she starts on a great romantic notes and then it denigrates to the usual scheming saas bahu divorce remarriage rape dramas.

Sujal is one heck of a strong character Ekta Kapoor ever made and no wonder in some interview she said thats the kind she would like. The guy is good looking ...fair enough but what makes him good is that characterization - no where else he is so attractive.
Kashish is so damn irritating in general and she's always on the wrong side yet his unwavering loyalty to her and strength of character is quite well depicted and then there's the music added....its better than what its in the movies of the songs.
I used to watch her serials for the first four to six months and then stop now i dont bother.

Then today alone staring at the sky from fifth floor window - i suddenly somehow remembered (for all our prim honest behavior at malls these days ) of days a little more than a decade ago of the only time we were or rather I was a thief.
Just after school in college outside the gate were sold cards. Greeting cards were so special then though not as beautiful .
No e cards nothing.
Then lay hundreds on long blankets outside and we used to put few of them and letter pads in our note books
buy one and then sit together in the hostel room and admire and share our booty.
Cheap Rs 4 or 5 cards and what a charm. I can't remember where they went if i gave to someone .
I went back opened by old time savings trunk its real funny stacked with books and old cards and
letters(its so fun reading them...letters from friend giving me what % each person we knew got in Std X and
of DD Tv serials which i suddenly had no access to when i went to a hostel).

I have one letter pad, though never used ,It only has an autograph of a Chemistry teacher i admired .
Who that day wrote for me as i was quite too simple then.
"Nothing is more simple than greatness.Indeed to be simple is to be great "
But then life was simpler then with hope. It ain't now. I am still simple at heart but everything else is so complex
and i just don't like to think any more and then i let each day go by and so time goes by.

I have no charitable heart so I look at some old and men and women begging on the street and
wonder curiously what motivates them to live ..... what ..what could it be at the fag end of a miserable poor beggar's life.

P.S : I hope no one looking for chemistry subject ends up here i 've used the word so many times in this post.