Old and Nostalgic

Time just surreptitiously takes away your life - a day at a time and before you know you have nothing left.

Did want to write something from quite some time but its just that have been unable to zero upon anything.
Books I tried to speed read - a few non fiction,
movies - well a few but need some discipline in my head to write anything
the world around you crashing in different ways and means - floods ,stock markets, terror attacks and yet I seem to have become sort of lost in my very cocoon , once again.

Work when its open ended makes you feel busier than when say its target oriented. Work centered around evaluation / exploration of stuff seems a cool thing but in the end it strains you a hell lot more than when you work towards getting done with stuff to acheive a target thats set.
Handling such things then becomes more of an attitude thing i.e how you as a person want to take it based of course on your position in life and workplace and universe too i guess.

You don't have the pressure of targets - so if you have a take it easy and anyway we can cook up a story and such get away kind of attitude life is pretty cool in such work scenario.

Problem starts if you take it as though you want to put across something substantial for the exploration/stuff you have been working on and you hit roadblocks at everything, and you never know where to stop , what is enough or is it good enough.
Being at a new workplace in such a job sort of makes you more intent on the second option and thus I've been feeling a bit like a workalholic.Not that many will believe at my office since I walk in pretty cool at 11 .

Sometime last month again I went through living my usual yearly stress - of avoiding people forced to wish me happy birthday and asking for treats and cake and all that drama. Not that I dont do it for others , but they seem happy about it. I pretty much may be mistaken about them.Who knows.
For me I never since childhood enjoyed it and with time I tried my best making people miss it which kind of had a strange effect.
They missed it that one time and after that never really. So the best way out was join the exuberance and say oh people would like me to be at home and avoid all and then give some treat just any other day to make them feel I was normal enough.

People who somehow crowded my life with their affection, though I never looked or hoped to get it all have dissappeared with time and its cruel ways and it is now you feel the vaccum.

I've never minded being alone and loved solitude since childhood somehow but as they say

How sweet, how passing sweet is solitude.
But grant me still a friend in my retreat,
Whom I may whisper--Solitude is sweet.

When I was a child I never had the friends - so may be it never meant that much
but now after these years of cribbing complaining and sometimes escaping a set of people I miss their presence.

But oh I'm older - did not some Ted Koppel say
It becomes increasingly easy, as you get older, to drown in nostalgia.

Or May be I've been born old - an old soul - hmm cause I seem to have been drowning in nostalgia since forever. Over 3 years of nostalgia on this blog seems a testimony to that fact.