Of No Solace

But, there are hours of lonely musing,
Such as in evening silence come,
When, soft as birds their pinions closing,
The heart's best feelings gather home.
Then in our souls there seems to languish
A tender grief that is not woe;
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish,
Now cause but some mild tears to flow.

This is a part of a really sweet poem called Evening Solace i had copied to my book some time ago.
It actually is so very true what we make such mountains of today.........................we do not consider it worth all the fuss as time moves on....or sometimes time numbs us so much that we just remember what passion it used to arouse at some time....but cant feel it anymore.

I really cant beleive what i used to get moist eyed about those days ....... even these days....actually.I once was almost in tears cause my mom pulled out a favorite plant laden with flowers with a small axe.I never seemed in a mood to forgive her for being so inconsiderate....and now i live in such a barren world and try not to see anything...that reminds me of my past home.
She hated our watching TV those days.......and considered it one invention which would ruin us ....................which she loves now and we hate it.

Sometimes you seem lost and ask yourself what you really want or at the worst do you want ....or you just want all this to end all this wanting and such nonsense......

I guess i almost get everything i want but by the time i get it somewhere down the line it loses its value and power it had of bringing that joy.I did not have a job for long.......by the time i got one it was like a job something to close that issue...it did not bring any joy.Then i thought of getting a bit more of a decent job ..i got it afte some time and yet by that time it was a norm.......and now i have decent job but nothing really great about it....everyone has a better........
I guess it is the same for everyone of us.
My sis's chairman had once once told her reminiscing about the way he built his business when i wanted 1 lakh i had 10000...when i wanted 10 lakhs i had 1 lakh and when i want 1 crore i have 10 lakhs.....its not that money could not be earned its just that its never what you want at any given point of time.

What i hate is the time it takes to get what i want takes away any wish i have left for it.I almost always get things after after i give up on them.Time steals like none.......I cant beleive i used to count every rupee spent to go by bus and internet was so expensive....and now i have it all over the place but no time really and its being there 24x7 is not as useful as it once would have been.

I always chat my friends when i had the whole time in the world to travel and shop selectively haggling and and learn some hobbies all that and this that i had no money..............when i have money i can spend i have no time .........so you just take whats easier.After some time again may be i'll slowly gain that time and comfort but then again money would have its own everyday needs and responsibilities.

But as they say Life is not fair and better get used to it......hmm tryin to...once used to like fighting it now just letting it be.......dont really think its worth all that helluva fight.
Life has remained just that..................a long headache on a noisy street.

P.S: As much as i hate Ekta Kapoor's serials(no i dont hate her...i think she's one helluva smart woman making dumb people pay for her nonsense)............I guess she's not that way off the mark about the the great indian family.I saw proof of it very badly.
We live in a house where the owners stay above and downstairs we saty and beside us stay the owners' brother(sick character who wud be described in some other post) and his wife.This brother basically is a parasite who does some business od knows what and has no qualms about it .The owner a hard working slogging employee brought a brand new Red car and was so excited as he showed it to us.Next morning we saw it scratched in the front completely and only one person could have done that as it was parked right in front of the brother's door....the sister in law....as no one else visited the place not even the servants. We were like shocked honestly....No wonder Ekta Kapoor reigns.